Hot flashes, Hand-Me-Downs, and “Honey, did you see me take my ___________ today?”

I don’t know about you, but I’m getting older.  Last I checked, I was well into living my 50th year.  Now, nobody has actually ever told me, “Julie, you are not likely to live to be 50,” but having not lived in a cave all of my life, I have received this message loud and clear.  So what am I doing here?

Here, for example, are a few random things I hadn’t planned on:

1) Hot flashes and menopause:  Isn’t it weird that every time I put on my therapy Vest, I have a hot flash?  I don’t think they were designed with this in mind.

2) Wearing hand me down jeans that used to belong to my son:  It’s true.  My 12 year old son is now giving me his outgrown jeans…and they are too big.  I’m trying to grow into them.

3) Forgetting whether or not I have actually done pretty important things:  Did I take that pill?  Did I inhale Advair?  ”Honey, did you see me inhale this?”  This is truly frightening.

4) Wondering with fear and fascination what will happen if I actually outlive my disability payment:  I don’t think the insurance company was expecting this either.

5) Not being able to see whether the needle is actually going to hit the tip of the  Colistin vial:  Are they making that bulls-eye smaller, or is it just me?

6) Getting so used to the ringing in my ears, that is seems like part of the radio background:  Oh, the years and years of tobramycin….

7) Routinely wondering if it is possible to lose one’s colon down the toilet:  Ok, this is a bit graphic.  I don’t know what the magic number of hours logged will be, but at some point, don’t you think gravity is going to win?

8)  Getting too “old” to run (read: low back and knee pains):  I thought the lungs were supposed to go first.

9) Making more cracking and moaning sounds getting out of bed in the am than my 16 yr old border collie as we hobble to the kitchen to make coffee.

10) Wondering if I might outlive yet another dog:  I don’t know which to wish for.

11) Living long enough that those foolish years of laying out in the sun on aluminum foil  lathered in baby oil has resulted in my wrinkles having wrinkles:  Who knew that shins could get wrinkled?

12) Needing a screening colonoscopy:  Of course, if we wait long enough (see 7 above), we can probably just examine it directly:-)