Welcome back!

Have you ever thought it would be kind of cool to be able to meditate, but then a tiny little voice in your head would say, “Are you kidding?  Spend 30 minutes focusing on my breath?  I’d rather stick a needle in my eye!”

I’ve been there.

But then, 13 years ago, in the midst of one of the more stressful periods in my life, I signed up for a class called Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR).  It was an eight-week class that met weekly for two hours, and included one all day “retreat” toward the end of the class, where we practiced in silence what we had been working on over the previous weeks.  This was one of the best decisions of my life, and meditation has become one of the most effective tools I have as I continue to live a full and happy life with cystic fibrosis.

This class made such an impact on me, that I have now learned how to teach it.  The reason I took the time and spent the money for this training is that I want to teach others with CF how this simple practice can make a difficult and sometimes complicated life just a bit easier to handle.

I took the class (twice) in person (both times in hospitals), and co-taught another eight-week session with my mentor in a hospital in San Jose.  Why meditate in hospitals, you might ask?

Actually, the MBSR program originated at the Stress Reduction Clinic, which was founded in 1979 at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Now, it exists in over 250 medical centers across this country as well as in numerous locations internationally.  Consistently, graduates of the program report:

• Coping more effectively with both short- and long-term stress
• Greater self-respect, energy, and enthusiasm for life
• Lasting improvements in physical and psychological well-being

You know that having cystic fibrosis does not define you. Yet, it can be hard to find yourself in the midst of treatments, medications, doctor visits, hospital stays, and constant concern over that magic number, the FEV1. Having a chronic illness like cystic fibrosis is stressful.  This is just a fact of life.

What is often forgotten is that there is much more that is right about us than is wrong! Using the techniques taught in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, we can develop skills that will help us stay afloat in times of chaos, and get more in touch with aspects of ourselves that are untouched by problems with an epithelial chloride channel!

Common Questions

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is simply purposefully paying attention to what is happening in the present moment, without judgment. The present moment is where life unfolds, and it is only here where choice is possible. By cultivating the practice of mindfulness, you can begin to see where you tend to be on “autopilot,” and learn to use compassion and courage to make conscious choices about how you allow life to unfold, rather than feeling completely out of control. Mindfulness practice is ideal for cultivating greater awareness of the interconnection of mind and body, as well as of the ways our unconscious thoughts, feelings, and behaviors can undermine emotional and physical health.

I can’t focus on my breath…How can I meditate?

The good news is that the leader of the class (me) also has CF and understands this dilemma.  There are other ways to use mindfulness to better cope with stress.  One does not need to focus on the breath.  There are many other ways to anchor the mind.  Breath is just a very easy one to teach, and it’s always there.  Because I understand that attention to the breath can provoke anxiety, we will explore other ideas.

I can’t go to a class.  I have a multi-resistant bug. Or, the corollary:  I don’t want to get multi-resistant bug.

The best news yet:  This class takes place in a virtual classroom.  All you need to attend is a computer with Internet access.  If you would like to be able to speak (and this is encouraged), a computer headset is recommended.

What are the details?

This class will be an 8-week intensive training in mindfulness based on ancient healing practices. In addition to the weekly classes, there will be one full day retreat scheduled toward the end of the course.  The price of the course is $350, but no one will be turned away for lack of ability to pay.  If you would like a scholarship, please contact Julie Desch at Julie@newdaywell.org.

Registration can be completed here.

The mind and body are linked. We know this now through innumerable well-designed scientific studies, and we are learning more every day about how this works. Don’t kid yourself into thinking that you have no input into your health simply because your disease is genetic.  When you learn the practice of mindfulness, you begin to experience exactly what this means, and with that understanding, you can begin to see some wiggle-room around unhealthy habits of the body and mind.

Give it a try by registering now

Class description

Class schedule

.

Hot flashes, Hand-Me-Downs, and “Honey, did you see me take my ___________ today?”

I don’t know about you, but I’m getting older.  Last I checked, I was well into living my 50th year.  Now, nobody has actually ever told me, “Julie, you are not likely to live to be 50,” but having not lived in a cave all of my life, I have received this message loud and clear.  So what am I doing here?

Here, for example, are a few random things I hadn’t planned on:

1) Hot flashes and menopause:  Isn’t it weird that every time I put on my therapy Vest, I have a hot flash?  I don’t think they were designed with this in mind.

2) Wearing hand me down jeans that used to belong to my son:  It’s true.  My 12 year old son is now giving me his outgrown jeans…and they are too big.  I’m trying to grow into them.

3) Forgetting whether or not I have actually done pretty important things:  Did I take that pill?  Did I inhale Advair?  ”Honey, did you see me inhale this?”  This is truly frightening.

4) Wondering with fear and fascination what will happen if I actually outlive my disability payment:  I don’t think the insurance company was expecting this either.

5) Not being able to see whether the needle is actually going to hit the tip of the  Colistin vial:  Are they making that bulls-eye smaller, or is it just me?

6) Getting so used to the ringing in my ears, that is seems like part of the radio background:  Oh, the years and years of tobramycin….

7) Routinely wondering if it is possible to lose one’s colon down the toilet:  Ok, this is a bit graphic.  I don’t know what the magic number of hours logged will be, but at some point, don’t you think gravity is going to win?

8)  Getting too “old” to run (read: low back and knee pains):  I thought the lungs were supposed to go first.

9) Making more cracking and moaning sounds getting out of bed in the am than my 16 yr old border collie as we hobble to the kitchen to make coffee.

10) Wondering if I might outlive yet another dog:  I don’t know which to wish for.

11) Living long enough that those foolish years of laying out in the sun on aluminum foil  lathered in baby oil has resulted in my wrinkles having wrinkles:  Who knew that shins could get wrinkled?

12) Needing a screening colonoscopy:  Of course, if we wait long enough (see 7 above), we can probably just examine it directly:-)

Inner Strength

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,

If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,

If you can overlook when people take things out on you when,
through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can face the worlds without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor, if you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can do of all these things,

Then you are probably the family dog.

Control Trumps Fear When it Comes to Adherence to Exercise in Cystic Fibrosis

I’m getting a lot of ideas for posts as I prepare for this talk in a couple of weeks at the NACFC in Minneapolis.  I am speaking about motivation and exercise, one of my favorite subjects, and am quite happy to be doing it.

Today I reviewed an article published in Thorax 2004; 59: 1074-80, by Moorcraft et al, entitled Individualized Unsupervised Exercise Training in Adults with Cystic Fibrosis: a 1 year randomized controlled trial. Here are a few reasons why this is a well designed study and one to believe:  1) it is (in CF terms) a pretty long term study.  Most others are only weeks to a few months in duration. 2) It was randomized, a short-fall of many other exercise in CF studies. 3) After an initial training session, it was unsupervised and the exercises (though structured by a trainer) were done at home–so the positive results are  good news about adherence and sustainability of a program.  The patients were, however, given frequent contact by phone and/or clinic and were actively encouraged and motivated to continue.

The results were indeed positive.  After a year, a significant training effect was shown in the training group and there was a lesser decline in lung function in those trained when compared to controls. But, as important as that is, that is not why I am writing this.  The most important point of the article to me was in the summary, where the authors state:

“Every effort must be made to adapt the exercise to fulfill the wishes of the patients and integrate it with their lifestyle.  This study shows that benefit can be obtained with an individualized home-based programme.  In the long term, motivation must be sustained by the individual and the clinician must strive to engender an exercise habit.  A flexible approach to encouraging exercise and an enthusiastic approach from the staff should not be underestimated.  A feature that favours exercise adherence in CF is that the patients perceive it as an area over which they have control and that, unlike other treatments, fear of their disease does not drive adherence to exercise (my emphasis).  Instead, they have a positive outlook on exercise regarding it as a normal activity which they can enjoy.”

I don’t know about you, but I think that fear sucks.  It doesn’t feel good.  It incapacitates me when it comes to rational thinking, and over the long haul, it frankly shrinks my brain.  It is true that sometimes fear works to motivate.  If that weren’t true, I probably wouldn’t have made that phone call to my doctor when I coughed up blood.  I feared for my life, and a phone call was made.  Fear works in acute situations.  It is the flight aspect in the fight or flight response to the mountain lion on the bike path.  Ok, bad analogy.

The point is that as a long term motivator, fear is a BAD choice.  Chronic fear leads to increased stress hormones which lead to depression and brain shrinkage.  Neither helps with adherence to any kind of program, let alone one where you must insert significant energy, as in an exercise habit.

Control, however…now THAT is powerful.  To me, seeing and feeling my body respond to exercise over the long haul is not so much about control as it is empowerment.  I feel actual empowerment over at least part of my body…and this is not a common feeling for one living with a disease such as cystic fibrosis.  This empowerment leads to confidence in other areas as well, and makes one think twice about negating the effects of all that work by, for instance, missing treatments.

Thinking about going to the gym or going out for a run just like any other “normal” person makes me feel more “normal.”

Now think about a kid…an adolescent with body image issues and control issues who is angry and in denial about living with CF.  How helpful do you think a little dose of empowerment and normalcy might be?  Trying to instill a little fear into him or her would lead one direction…the one you don’t want to go.  Helping them to feel good about how well they respond to an exercise program and encouraging them to exercise because it is what we ALL should do…that works!

Posture For the Sick and Happy

A few days ago, I uploaded the above video to YouTube.  I think posture is an incredibly important thing to think about when living with a pulmonary disease, so I thought it deserved a blog post.

Think about it:  When you have cystic fibrosis, or any other pulmonary disease, every single alveolus is precious (“alveolus” is medical speak for the tiny little air sac that, together with it’s millions of comrades, comprise the lung and allow for oxygen exchange–I like to think like a doctor sometimes).

As we get older, (happily, we all are now, aren’t we) there are two forces working against our lungs–gravity, and CF.  We tend to think that we have little control over either, but we do!  I write all the time about how we can positively influence our health by controlling what we can about CF.  We can do our treatments.  We can eat nutritiously.  We can exercise religiously.  We can get enough sleep.  We can make sure we go to all of our clinic appointments….etc.

Today, my focus is on how to control gravity!  Really.

Now mind you, I like gravity.  It does many very positive things!  It would be quite a chore to sit here and type without the assistance of gravity.  But, gravity can wreak havoc on your body if you don’t learn to use it properly.

Huh?

Our bodies were designed by a genius(es…who knows?).  The bottom line is that our bones, muscles, tendons and ligaments all start out aligned to oppose gravity perfectly…until we screw it up.  As I sit and type right now, my shoulders are rounded, my upper back is hunched over my computer, and my chin is jutted out over my chest.  I know that’s sort of a scary image, but stick with me here.

Look around.  Isn’t just about everyone assuming that position?  It doesn’t just happen when typing or sitting at a computer all day.  We gravitate unconsciously to this position  when we play video games (watch your kids do this for a good shock), when we drive, when we play poker, when we slouch on the couch, you name it.  It happens as we rush from one thing to the next.  Isn’t your chin usually the first thing to enter the room?  There are opportunities for this posture all day long!  Over time–and not that much time– our default position consists of forward rounded shoulders, hunched over upper backs, and forward jutting chins.  Compensating for all of this often comes a sway-back position of the lumbar spine.  Suddenly, gravity is our arch enemy.

When you throw your body into this position, the muscles, ligaments and tendons  of your back and neck HAVE to work overtime to simply keep you upright.  These poor muscles become chronically overworked…and they let you know it.  Slowly, the muscles of your upper back become stretched to a position that is not optimal, and they are thus weakened.  At the same time, the muscles of the front of your shoulders and chest, low back and hip flexors (remember that sway back thing?) becomes tight and shorter than their optimal length, thus weakened.  So, front and back muscles are weak, and working over time to keep you from falling on your face.

Ok, now throw in a chronic cough.  Does your back and chest wall  go into spasm just thinking about this?  Now you understand REASON ONE for establishing good posture when you have CF.

Now for REASON TWO:  Conjure up that image again, the one of the rounded shoulders, and slumped upper back.  Do you think it is possible to take a full breath using all available lung tissue when in this position?  Not a chance.  You  can use most of your upper lungs when you are collapsed that way.

It is estimated that poor posture can rob you of __% of lung tissue.  Now, I don’t know about you, but I need every bit of my lung tissue with every breath I take.  I can’t afford the improper effects of gravity1

So watch the video, and try to incorporate at least one or two of these exercises every day.  They aren’t hard, and they don’t take much time.  They will slowly work to strengthen and shorten those overstretched back muscles, and stretch and strengthen those tight chest and shoulder muscles.  The result will be that you will be able to pull your shoulder blades back and down, thus opening your chest and allowing for full expansion of your lungs.

The next trick will be actually remembering to do this!  I have some tricks for this, too.  Watch for my “mindful breathing intervals” in a blog post coming to you soon!

First Sick and Happy Video!

More to follow with real exercises…

The Wellness Recovery Package

As a nation, we are in deep doo-doo.  Jobs are disappearing in droves.  People are losing their homes, their health care, their confidence in the “American Dream.”  It’s a tough time, no doubt.  At a time of crisis like this, the worst thing we could do is to ignore the fact that this is an extreme test of our stress resilience factor.  While clearly, some people are hurting more than others, the uncertainty we all face is stressful.

We will get through this, of course.  Despite all of our hand wringing, the universe will unfold and we will survive.  The question is, will we come out stronger and wiser, or will we be a collective frazzled mess.

I’m a fan of the stronger, wiser option.  One way to do that, is to use this opportunity to improve upon those things in our lives over which we have control.  We don’t have a lot to say about freeing up the credit market, but we can dump our own “toxic assets” by dropping a few pounds and getting closer to our ideal weight.  We may not be able to do much about our home’s dropping value, but we can focus instead on the value that those we love bring to our lives.  The obvious greed of Wall Street may make us mad as hell, but instead of letting it eat at our gastric lining, we can make use of that energy and hit a heavy bag with abandon.

As our President gives press conferences and leads town hall meetings delineating his Economic Recovery Plan designed to lead us out of this mess, I would like to propose my own “Wellness Recovery Plan.”

To use the same rhetorical tool as our President uses, I will describe my Plan as a combination of three things….a “three-legged stool,” if you will.  This is a very simple plan consisting of three things…three actions…to take each day, that together will work to improve your physical, mental and spiritual wellness.  I promise that if you do these three things consistently every day as we all work to get out of the economic hole we are in, you will emerge as our country will,  stronger and healthier.

The Plan is to take ONE step each day in each of three Initiatives:

1) The Movement Initiative
2) The Eat This, Not That Initiative
3) The Wealth Appreciation Initiative

The Movement Initiative

Every day until this crisis ends, make one choice in favor of movement.  This may be a choice to walk instead of drive.  It may be to stand and stretch during commercials instead of sitting numb as marketers feverishly peddle their junk food.  It may be a choice of stairs over the elevator.  The point is to, at least once a day, make a clear choice to do the healthier thing.

This doesn’t need to be a big deal.  It doesn’t have to be overwhelming.  I’m not asking you to train for a marathon.  These are small, easily accomplished tasks.  As you look for ways to make this choice each day, you will naturally become more conscious of how to be more active without even trying.  It will work….but only if you do it.

The Eat This, Not That Initiative

You can probably guess this one.  Again, it is a very small choice that I am asking you to make, every day.  We all know what the better choice is when we are faced with a nutritional quandary.  It is usually pretty obvious, but if you really are unsure, there are books out there to help (Eat This, Not That).  It may look like eating an apple instead of chips…or a drink of water instead of that Coke…or munching on a bowl of whole grain cereal at night instead of ice cream.  It could be as simple as drinking skim milk instead of whole milk.  If you make just one decision in the direction of better nutrition each day, by the end of this crisis you will be healthier, possibly lighter, and definitely more enlightened about how much control you really do have over your health.

The Wealth Appreciation Initiative

So your 401K doesn’t look so great right now.  It is depressing, but it is what it is.  You can focus on that and be bummed out and angry.  The result:  You will be bummed out, angry, and less wealthy than you were a year ago.

Option two:  You can focus on the wealth that exists in your life right now that cannot be taken away.  The result:   You will still be less financially wealthy than you were last year, but your emotional wealth will grow exponentially.

Take time every day to take an honest inventory of your true wealth.  This includes the important people in your life, the dogs who love you, the home you live in, the amount of material wealth that is in your life, especially when you think about the millions and millions of people around the world who have so much less.  We may think we have it bad…but compared to the rest of the world, we are still quite well off.  As you start focusing on what is good in your life, what isn’t so great takes on less importance.  It also simply feels a lot better.

That’s it!  It is a very simple plan.  It pales in complexity next to what the Senate and House must wrangle over this week.  But it will work.  And it is one way to take charge, right now, when life seems so out of control.

Five Steps to Re-Energize

Sometimes it is easy to get bogged down on a project.  You let it “sit,” so you can think about it awhile, and before you know it, three other things have come up that need your attention, and your “big idea” starts gathering dust.

At least, that is how it often works for me.

This blog is a great example, but there have been others.  It has been a challenge to post lately.  Tom died.  Christmas happened.  I got sick.  I got busy.  Life happened.  Writing took a back seat.   In addition to writing, half-marathon training programs, book ideas, and piano lessons are also residing in the back seat.  Now don’t get me wrong…my motto for life in general––I get knocked down…but I get up again––applies to projects as well as it does to my health.  Usually I come back.  Like now, for example.

So I thought a good article to write might be one about just this:  How do you pick up where you left off, before life got in the way?  I’ve come up with a 5-step “Get Up Again” action plan to use when approaching that stack that is growing on your desk.

STEP ONE:  This is the most important one.   Get off your back already!  Unless you live alone, have no friends, have no other responsibilities, have only one interest, and generally have no life, things come up!  Life happens, and you get knocked off course now and then.  For most people I know, this is when the nasty little nagging voice speaks up.  “You are such a loser…!  Why aren’t you working on this?  You had such grand plans…such great ideas…Right.  What a lazy (%&#*!

First off, this is a true waste of energy and time.  It is, of course, much more efficient to use that energy in getting back up on the horse, to mix metaphors.  Everyone gets pulled off course, now and then.

STEP TWO:  Find your motivation!  If you are spinning your wheels, you need to get a grip on something, right?  The traction is found within something called motivation.  What lights your fire?  As much as possible, you need to recreate the energy you had when you began the project.  That’s a tall order, I know.  If I had the secret to that, I would be a bazillionairre.

Why did you want to do this project in the first place???  There must have been a really good reason.  The trick is to remember it. And get back into it!  Read about it again.  Read about how others have done or are doing what you want to do.  Talk to people about your idea.  Enlist their ideas…their help.

STEP THREE:  Set one goal.  This is obvious, but it is so overlooked.  You need a finish line.  It doesn’t have to be far away, but it needs to be a bit of a stretch for you.  It needs to be time-based and measurable.  You also need to really want it!  You need to be excited.  It helps to read the goal several times a day, imagining the feeling you will have when it is accomplished.  I know what you are thinking..”One goal?  But I have at least twenty to get back to!”  This may be true, but just pick one for now.  Just a little bit of traction goes a long way.

The most important aspect of setting a goal (to me) is setting a reward.  Seriously.  You need a carrot AND a stick.  If you are like me, the stick is taken care of.  It’s that voice in your head yelling all of the time.  The carrot is, of course, the reward you pick to give yourself when you’ve crossed that finish line.  Make the reward appropriate to the effort you need to put in to accomplishing the goal.  If you’re going to train for three months to run a 5K, give yourself something worth three months of hard training!

So let’s say, for instance, you had initiated a great workout program.  You were committed.  You had worked out all the details…and then…poof.  What program?

There are two ways to deal with this.  The usual way (for many) is to tell yourself you “don’t have it in you” to stick to a program, and then give up until the next time something wakes up your motivation again.

The second (better) way, is to get off your own back, remember your motivation, set a new and smaller goal (perhaps to just start to walk for 20 minutes a day)…add a carrot…and take STEP FOUR.

STEP FOUR:  Take a small step…every day.  Small is the important element here, especially at first.  The reason for this is that you will build on small successes.  If you do what you set out to do every day, then even if those action items are small, your confidence in yourself grows bigger and bigger.  Soon, you’ll start challenging yourself with larger daily action items without feeling overwhelmed.

STEP FIVE:  Stick to it until you can celebrate your achievement!  Your motivation may wax and wane a bit (have you noticed this?).  That’s ok…that’s just what it does.  If you have a day where you feel completely unmotivated, then make your daily action be to read about your goal.  Google it.  Find success stories.  Get your mojo back!  Tomorrow is a new day, and likely, you will feel more like playing.

Engage Fully in Life

Engage Fully In Life

What do I mean by “engage” fully?

I mean two things, actually.  Both are ways of connecting with life in a particular way.  Both of these concepts are discussed more and more frequently in the last few years.  Just about every course I take, or book I read about happiness discuss these ideas.  I discuss them together because, to me, they seem very related.

The first way to better engage in life is with “mindfulness.” Jon Kabat-Zinn is a big name in the world of mindfulness.  He very successfully introduced mindfulness (an Westernized offshoot of Vipassana meditation) in a Stress Reduction Clinic at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, and his course has since been taught in hospitals, schools, churches and community centers throughout the country.  He defines mindfulness as “paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment.”

Have you ever looked back on a day (or, in my case, a week or even a month) and not really remember any specific thing that happened?  I don’t mean this in a memory impairment kind of way, but more like everything sort of takes on a shade of gray…nothing stands out.  When this happens to me, it is as if I am on autopilot…either from boredom, or from overwhelm trying to fit way too much to do into a short amount of time, with the result that it seems I don’t have time to pay attention.

Does this sound familiar?  Lately, I’ve been suffering the consequences of taking on way too much.  I am not good at realizing my limits and knowing when to say no… to requests, opportunities, self-imposed challenges, etc…  The result is that my kids start school tomorrow, and I don’t remember much of summer.  It’s gone…and I don’t know where it went.  It’s not that we didn’t do fun things. We did.  But I had so much else on my mind––the deadline for an editing project, the appointments to fit in for a project I should never have taken on, the appointments and calls for another project, the blog project, the video project, the e-book project, my aging and ailing dog, my own health care, my own fitness goals…it really goes on and on.  I get tired thinking of it.  Sadly, I can’t say that I am completely enjoying and engaging in any one thing, because too much else is always on my mind.

Mindfulness is about paying attention to one thing only…the breath…the feeling of your heartbeat…the taste of a grape…the feel of your dog’s nose.  You get the picture.  It’s about focusing, and not being carried away by the incessant thinking that is always trying to get attention.  When you are able to be more mindful, even for a few moments at a time, you begin to see what you are missing by listening and being carried away by that voice in your head.

So I’m not doing so well at mindfulness right now, except that I am now mindful of my mindlessness.  As they say, admitting there is a problem is the first step toward fixing it.

The second approach to becoming more engaged in life is by finding “flow,” or being “in the zone.” This occurs when you are so immersed and focused on what you are doing, that time disappears…indeed…you disappear.  An athlete can easily relate to this concept; but in truth, we all have the ability to find flow.  Flow occurs when your skill doing something you love is equally matched by the challenge in front of you.  If you love to play chess and you are very good at it, the chances are not great that you will experience flow until you play someone of equal caliber.  Then again, if you love chess, but you are horrible, you won’t be in flow when you challenge a pro and are thoroughly trounced.

I’ve experienced flow reading pathology slides, reading something challenging, studying for exams and sometimes even taking exams!  These days, I mostly find it when I write…and sometimes when I am lifting weights.  You know you are in flow when the sense of time disappears, and when you are completely energized by what you are doing.

My goal is to experience mindful flow.  Now that would be a kick!

Taking Contol of and Responsibility for Your Health

Is it Take or Bring?

I never know.  But for purposes of my acronym, it has to be Take.

T is for:  Take complete control of what you can, and take complete responsibility for each of your actions.  In a word, be accountable to yourself, because if not you, then who?

When it comes to living with ongoing health challenges, it is very easy to surrender control––to doctors, to “experts,” to nurses, to your spouse, to family members who “know what is best for you,” to your horoscope, etc.  The problem with this is that it leads to a “crisis in confidence,” as Margaret Moore et al discuss in their white paper entitled, The obesity epidemic: a confidence crisis calling for professional coaches (http://www.wellcoaches.com/images/whitepaper.pdf).  A true crisis occurs when we let others control what happens to us.  When we consistently let others decide for us, we gradually lose the belief that we have our own answers.  Then we are in trouble.

Marty Seligman, the “father” of positive psychology, demonstrated the severity of what happens when control is not an option on some very unlucky dogs back in the late 1960’s.  These poor creatures were first “taught” to become helpless (an unforeseen outcome of the experiment) as they were harnessed to another dog while receiving random, painful electrical shocks given simultaneously to both dogs.  One dog in the pair had a lever it could press to end the shock.  The dog without the lever would also receive the benefit of the shock ending, but this seemed as random as the shocks.   To the second dog, pain was random and inescapable.

Subsequently, both dogs were placed in a box with a shallow board dividing it into two sides.  When a shock was applied on one side of the box, the dog simply needed to hop over the divider to escape the pain.  The dogs from the previous experiment that had been taught to press a lever to stop the pain found this option immediately. What do you think the dogs that had “learned” that pain was inescapable did?  They simply lay down and accepted the pain.  They didn’t even look for an escape!  They had learned helplessness.

What do these poor dogs teach us?

We need to find where we do have control, any control, and cease it!  You may not have control over your cancer returning after a remission; but if it does, you have control over how and if you want it treated.  You have no control over how long you have to wait for an organ transplant, but you have complete control of what you will do while you wait.  You may not have control over how bad your next flare of MS will be, but you do have control over how much rest you get as you wait for your health to stabilize.

What you take charge of can be small.  It can be as simple as determining the time you will go to sleep.  But it needs to be your sole responsibility.  And you get to reap both the benefits AND the costs of whatever it is…

That brings me (or takes me…I don’t know) to responsibility, the other half of the “Take” strategy.

Taking responsibility for everything you do is really a corollary of “Take control of what you can” because if you take control, then by definition, you are responsible.  Conversely, when you let someone else decide, you have no responsibility for the outcome.  Good or bad, someone else made it happen.  The good news is…it’s not “your fault” when something goes wrong.  You get to blame someone else.  The bad news is that when something goes well…how can you claim any credit?  When your successes are not perceived as being brought upon by YOU, you don’t get to develop self-efficacy.

Self-efficacy is simply a person’s belief that they are capable of reaching a goal or achieving a certain level of performance. . Self-efficacy is huge in importance when it comes to happiness…so important that it will get its very own post someday soon.  Guess what is the opposite of self-efficacy?  Helplessness.

I read somewhere that E+R=O or, Event + Response= Outcome.  I would give credit to whomever came up with it, if I could remember, but such is the state of my hippocampus.  Anyway, I like it.  It’s very clear, and obviously true.  If we think of our illness as the Event, and our overall Wellbeing and Happiness as the Outcome, then R (response) is clearly quite important, right?  R is about taking control, and taking responsibility.

Next Page »